HOCD Loss of Attraction: Does it Mean the End of Love Life?

You were the best while dating. Your friends used to be envious of how you get the attention of the opposite sex. But things are not the same anymore. Is it the HOCD Loss of Attraction?

Well, HOCD stands for Homosexual Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder that may cause all the changes in your mindset. 

Before even talking with someone of the opposite sex on the first date, you start questioning, “ Am I feeling attracted to that person?” It’s ok for one or two instances. However, if these thoughts are recurring and interfere with your day-to-day life, then it’s certainly not normal. 

If you feel such a loss of attraction towards the opposite gender, this article is the perfect resource for you.  

hocd loss of attraction
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Loss of Attraction Due to HOCD

Loss of attraction towards being intimate is the primary symptom of an HOCD patient. If you’re suffering from this disorder, losing appeal towards the opposite sex will be the first manifestation. This is quite normal.

You perhaps had some great time while dating an opposite-sex partner. And you may have some intimate and meaningful relationships with one of them. 

However, with the onset and progression of the HOCD, you will begin to lose that attraction. This is a probable course of the disease.

Usually, a loss of attraction is a disorder that may happen on its own. In long-term relationships, it is seen quite often. Many couples feel like they’ve lost the spark and chemistry and aren’t attracted to each other anymore. This has various psychological side effects and may hamper a happy life.

HOCD loss of attraction brings both anxiety and fear with it. But it’s not you who get anxious; it’s the disorder. The problem is simply tricking your brain into something that you won’t even think about. 

Thus, if you feel like you’re not attracted to the opposite sex anymore while suffering from HOCD, you have nothing to worry about. It is, in fact, obsessive and compulsive thoughts due to the disease. Treating the obsessive-compulsive disorder will help you feel that attraction again and perhaps more intensely. You know what I mean!

So, how to identify and treat whether you are facing HOCD induced loss of attraction? Before we get to that, let’s take a look at what this disorder exactly is.

What are OCD and HOCD?

HOCD is, in fact, a rare type of OCD or Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. So, to better understand the nature of HOCD, we have to first acquaint ourselves with what OCD is.

OCD 

OCD or Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder is a common mental illness affecting around 1.2% of the entire US population. It has two components – obsession and compulsion. 

Obsession means that the person affected constantly has intrusive thoughts unwillingly. 

And compulsion means an irresistible urge to do something over and over again.

Do You Have OCD? Check These Symptoms.

HOCD

HOCD is an OCD centering around sexual orientation. The people suffering from it constantly question their sexuality. Like OCD, it hampers their daily lives too. They have fear and anxiety regarding being homosexual that also puts a mental burden.

HOCD is often accompanied by loss of attraction towards the opposite gender. If you’re suffering from HOCD, you’ll likely begin to feel less drawn towards the opposite sex. 

You’ll begin to notice the flaws of the opposite sex, which you never noticed before. But don’t worry. Your sexual orientation is not changing; it’s only the HOCD that is playing in your brain. 

Symptoms of HOCD Loss of Attraction 

There are several signs and symptoms to consider if you think you have HOCD. Some of the common symptoms of HOCD are given below:

You are Already DIagnosed with OCD 

If you are already suffering from another form of obsessive-compulsive disorder. Because OCD is a  complex mental disorder, there’s a likelihood that suffering from OCD can trigger the occurrence of HOCD as well.

Unwanted Thoughts on Sexual Orientation  

You find yourself having unwanted thoughts about your sexual orientation. Even though, in the past, you never doubted your sexuality, the onset of HOCD makes you challenge yourself. Like all OCDs, you’ll feel obsessive thoughts about whether you have the sexual orientation you thought you had.

Constant Self Reassurance 

You’ll continuously convince yourself that you’re not homosexual. 

Reassurance is very common when it comes to OCD. So, in HOCD as well, you’ll find that you’re constantly telling yourself how you’re straight.

Constant Checking of the Behavior  

Worrying about the way you conduct yourself is another feature of HOCD. People who are homosexuals have a different attitude towards the same sex. The way they communicate and behave is quite distinct.

This, however, isn’t something that’s forced, nor something that heterosexual people have to worry about. But, if you have HOCD, you’ll find yourself constantly checking if the way you come off as ‘gay’ to other people by the way you carry yourself.

Avoidance of Same-Sex 

If the disorder gets to a severe level, you may feel like avoiding the same gender altogether. The reason is that you worry that deep inside, you’re homosexual. 

So, you think that being together with the same gender might trigger your homosexuality. From this fear, you may have thoughts of avoiding being with the same gender.

Self Consciousness 

Worrying that other people think you’re gay is another symptom. So, you always try finding out what other people think of your sexual orientation. 

Even the slightest remark regarding your sexual orientation may set you off and trigger a sense of anxiety and fear.

Hatred Towards Other Sexual Orientations 

You may begin to hate homosexual thoughts and homosexual people. This stems from the fear and anxiety that you feel of actually being homosexual. So, any and everything relating to homosexuality is repulsive to you. 

You may even develop a fear of homosexual people because you think that being with them may bring out the false ‘inner-homosexuality’ you have.

Justification of Behaviors 

You may have unwilling thoughts justifying why you’re homosexual. This can be from a past failed relationship.

You have obsessive thoughts about how your past relationship may have failed because of your feared sexual orientation. 

This may also stem from having poor self-esteem. You also have thoughts that you’re not attractive to the opposite gender.

Judgemental Towards the Opposite Sex 

You begin fearing that you have lost attraction towards the opposite sex. You begin to notice their flaws; you begin to unwillingly rationalize that you’re no longer attracted to the opposite gender. This is termed a loss of attraction.

Losing Your Skin Glow Can Also Indicate Losing Attraction

Why does the HOCD Loss of Attraction even take place? 

As we’ve said before, loss of attraction is the primary symptom of HOCD. And what causes HOCD is still not an easy thing to answer. 

It is easier to treat anxiety, fear, dread, doubtfulness with therapy. However, the loss of attraction may persist. So, the patient may think that they’re not attracted to the same gender anymore despite being cured of HOCD. But that isn’t true.

HOCD subconsciously puts intrusive and obsessive thoughts about not being attracted to the opposite gender. The best thing to do is not to be bothered by it. 

These recurring thoughts about not being attracted are, in fact, just a continuation of the HOCD thoughts. It is an alternate course of the disease. This can happen when the anxiety and fear of sexual orientation are gone.

HOCD, How to Get Attraction Back? 

So, how is it that you treat loss of attraction and HOCD if it happens to you? There are some effortless and effective ways out there. 

Ask for Professional Help

If you’re suffering from HOCD, it’s best to seek professional help. Even if you’re not sure if you have the disease or not, you should still visit a psychiatrist often. 

These types of mental disorders are insidious and often hard to diagnose on your own. So, it’s always advisable to be in touch with a doctor.

If you’ve been successfully treated by a trained professional having suffered from HOCD, you should still follow up regularly. Otherwise, it can relapse and take another form. 

As I’ve said, loss of attraction may occur after HOCD. That just means you need more treatment.

Mindfulness

When you’re on your own, mindfulness can be a way of managing HOCD thoughts. You have to convince yourself that these obsessive thoughts are because of the disease. There is nothing wrong with you.

If you feel doubtful before even sending a text to your opposite-sex partner, remind yourself of those great date nights. You are still that charming person. The doubts are only because of HOCD, nothing else. 

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Exposure Therapy for HOCD Loss of Attraction 

Exposure therapy is a common technique used by psychologists. Here, you have to face your fear head-on. You may try willingly to put yourself in a position where you question your sexuality. 

This includes thoughts and behaviors which you fear and generally avoid. Facing these fears can bring your confidence back after realizing that the ideas you had were due to OCD.

Stopping Self-Assurance Beliefs

You need to change your thought process if you truly want to treat the HOCD. You have to stop paying too much attention to the fact that you’re not attracted anymore. That way, your brain’s instincts will kick in, and you’ll be tempted according to your sexual orientation.

Now you’re aware of why you’re suffering from a loss of attraction. If it gets too much for you, do consult an expert for their opinion.

FAQ

Can HOCD make you lose attraction?

Yes, it is pretty common for HOCD patients to feel a loss of attraction towards the opposite sex. But keep in mind that it has no connection with sexual orientation. OCD is suppressing the interest towardsin the opposite sex. 

Can HOCD cause false attraction towards the same gender?

It is pretty rare for HOCD to cause attraction towards the same gender. Instead, anxiety and phobia are more common. However, in rare instances, the doubt may be perceived as a gain of attraction. 

Is HOCD is a form of denial?

If the loss of attraction happens in HOCD, then it is more probable that the thoughts are due to the disease and not a sense of denial. 

Does the loss of attraction due to HOCD ever go away?

With appropriate therapy, HOCD, like most other mental disorders, can diminish considerably and even go away. 

Conclusion

So the bottom line is HOCD loss of attraction is not unusual during the disease. Intrusive thoughts about not being attracted are more often than not caused by the disease.

HOCD being a mental illness needs proper psychiatric therapy to achieve remission. Thus, with the appropriate treatment, you can get rid of this and return to your everyday life. 

Are you suffering from HOCD? If so, have you tried any of the methods we’ve said today? Did they work for you? Let us know in the comments below!

SM Kamal Hasan

Dr. SM Kamal Hasan, MBBS(Medicine), Rangpur Medical College and Hospital Rangpur- Dinajpur Highway, Cantt, Near Central Jail, Rangpur 5400, Bangladesh

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